sprinting.

i was talking to cindy yesterday and all of a sudden ive realized that everyone has grown up. i was in deep deep shock. like everything started to spin and move in slow motion. many of my friends have been committing in long term relationships and i wouldnt be surprise if any of them will be married within the next 3 years.

so all of a sudden i wrote to her: "im the person who would be saying WTF when one of yall suddenly pop out a baby because im so caught up in the past-when we were still kids."

yes. i miss the past. after all who wouldnt want to linger on to good times, happy days.

out of all my friends, i would say that im the most cold hearted one. im a distant friend. i rarely call, text, email, chat, hang out with them. im a distant friend but im not a bad friend. even tho i rarely contact my friends, i constantly think about them and care about their well-beings.

i guess i have a innate fear for being too attached to wonderful things. if i am distant then when time comes for departure, i wouldnt be so full of despair.

i can swear that ive never been jealous of anyone in my entire life. even tho right now im still not jealous of anyone, i envy those who have spend more time with my friends who are almost my sisters.

i guess its kinda abnormal to be envious of your friends' boyfriends.....i have weird logic.

so im sorta down. everyone has found someone to focus on. but the focus is not me. but some lucky dudes....sigh.

woah...i should control myself, im sounding bitter. of course, if my friends are happy then .damn. im happy. and im glad that theyre so in love. because i guess being in love and finding someone you care about is the best thing ever.

i better be some kids' godmother. or else.

sitting on a grassy hill alone. flying my lovely kites. when the luring wind carries the kites up, i try to pull my kites back down. eventually the wind gets stronger, threatening to snap the strings-my only connections to my precious kites. left without a choice i run with the wind, my kites fly higher into the sky. how brilliant, they fly with such elegance. but soon the hill ends, i cannot run with my kites anymore. but i cant just reel them in, either. those kites look too pretty against the azure sky. so cut those strings and let them fly. i know the wind will take them to wonderful places.